One Christmas day eve I was feeling so bruised and sore I decided that it couldn’t go on this way. He never said it our right but he often made out it was my fault because I couldn’t satisfy his high sex drive. I’d spoken to friends about the abuse but I’m not sure if they believed me. All I wanted was for him to stop and love me in the way a husband should but he didn’t stop. I promised for life and at the time I very much loved him. I felt very confused by his actions but I forgave him – again. He was so sad and sincere in his offering. One day he went out to Tesco and brought me some cushions because he wanted me to feel safe around him. I’d pray for every evening to be over quickly so he would go to work and I could bathe, scrub myself clean and spend some time feeling like a normal human being. he’d apologise and promise he would change. The next day I’d cry, beg him not to do it again, telling him I didn’t feel safe around him. We both knew what was going to happen so I just accepted it and let him carry on. He’d fill up my glass at night I’d pass out, he’d rape me, take photos and do whatever he wanted to do with me. The more it happened, the more I drank and the cycle continued. He went to the doctor at one point trying to cover up what he was doing with the excuse that it was in his sleep. I’d wake up and he’d be having sex with me.
I’d wake up from the backouts feeling sore in-between my legs. Instead of helping me, he started to take advantage of me. I have these blackouts where I can’t remember anything. I started drinking heavily in the evenings. I became depressed and anxious, I developed bulimia, my mental health plummeted and I found getting through the day really difficult. I really can’t explain how sick and scared I used to feel around him every day. It was embarrassing as anyone could have found it. I’d find porn on our computer and in the DVD player. When he wasn’t on the computer he’d follow me around, groping me.
Telling my story of abuse full#
The new house we moved into always seemed to be full of loud gun noises. He played war games on his computer for hours. He began to stop helping around the house. From what I recall he had moved into my flat within a month or so of our meeting, we were engaged soon after and married the year following.Īfter the marriage, things started to change. I met him in 2005, he had the kindest eyes, a smile and a laugh that lit up the room. So it took me a while to look outside myself for help.
The last time my ex sexually abused me was Christmas day 2007. I have just finished 5 months of counselling with LWA. Home » Understanding abuse » Stories Domestic Abuse & Sexual Violence Survivor StoriesĪ sexual abuse survivor who LWA worked with has bravely shared her story:Īt the time of writing this, it’s 2021.
0 kommentar(er)
